Hmm.. it’s been 3 days after i dapat berita yg dia positive cov¡d. 

I tau pon dari kawan i, i sedih why he not tell me by himself. Ya i know, i bukan siapa2 lagi. Teruk nya i masih berharap. :( but, bila i bgtau dia kawan i bgitau dia positive, he call my friend and marah why she told me… like seriously he dont want me to know anything about him anymore¿¿ dia betul2 nak i lupakan dia and jangan ambik tau pasal dia dah. Sedih nya.

But the problem is i still care. I still worry. U know someone yg pernah u sayanng gila i tak rasa worry. Kalau boleh i nak care. I nak tanya his condition everything but after i know that yg dia mmg taknak i ambik tau i rasa better i stop. Cukup la memalukan dan melukakan diri sendiri. I tak boleh terus2 mcm ni. Kesian dekat diri i. Berharap dan masih sayang pada orang yg langsung dah takda hati untuk i. I tak pernah sebodoh ni. But dengan dia, i selalu membodohkan diri i. T_T

Kenapa Tuhan tu temukan i dengan dia… :(

 It’s been two weeks i didn't hear anything from him.

I tak faham kenapa dia boleh buat i mcm ni. Why he insisted to break up with me. Whyyyy.. i think he have someone else. U know what, i only have him. Anything happened pon i always want him, im waiting for him. I dont want anyone else. I love him. T_T 

Been two weeks, im still waiting for him. Actually, it’s a month already since the day he said “i dah taknak teruskan, better we stop now”. But, two weeks i still working with him until his last day, last two weeks, on his last day was my very very saddest day for me. I know after that i dah tak boleh jumpa dia, dah tak ada orang teman i for everything, i cant hear his voice any more. Yaaa.. and that’s happened. I betul2 didnt hear anything from him after his birthday. He didnt reply my whatsapp anymore. He deleted all of our chats. He really want to forget me. Im sad. How easy for him, while me, still everyday crying waiting for his call, his text. Im waiting for him.

Everyday im praying for our best, adakah ini yg terbaik…

I know, Allah tu nak selamatkan i dari benda yang bukan2 sbb tu Dia ambik orang yg i sayang. Dia jauhkan dari i. Tapi sakit sangat rasa ni. Sampai kadang i tak mampu nak kata apa2 selain menangis and tertanya tanya besar sangat ka kesalahan i. 

I boleh terima dia seadanya, tapi dia......

I taktau apa yg buat dia tekad betul2 nak break up dgn i. I always rasa that yg he has someone else. Kenapa ya Tuhan temu i dgn dia kalau dia bukan jodoh i.. i harap sangat yg selama ni dia jodoh i, i nak kawen dgn dia, tapi silap i, diri i sendiri i tak boleh jadi yg terbaik utk dia. I boleh terima dia seadanya.. tapi dia,,,,¿

Until now, even dah 1 month i still berharap there is a chance for me. I want to fix everything but dia langsung dah takda hati dgn i, i yakin he has someone else. Perit sangat utk i terima kenyataan ni, i dah taknak kenal orang lain. Nak start all over again, i dah taknak and i tak mampu. Bcos i did everything with him. I tak boleh nak bukak pintu hati utk orang lain, i sedih sangat2. I need him. T_T i love him so much. T_T