Today is 9 June 2021. Back to this day on 2020, i was so happy with him, i dari kampung balik ke penang bawakkan dia durian to him and his family, back to 2019 on the same day, also i was so happy with him, i belanja dia Godiva for his birthday. But today, is a sad day to me, last night i saw him deleting our conversation on telegram. He really really want to remove me from his life and wanna forget me? How easy. While me here every day struggling with my feelings, every day crying, every day waiting for him. Why im so stupid¿ 

It’s not easy for me to forget him or deleting everything about him. Bcos i love him damn much. And too many things we did together, and everything always reminds me of him. U know, dekat sini i have nobody, most of the times i banyak spent dgn dia, almost everyday after work kita akan dinner together, lepak sekali, every weekend pon, ya most of the times mmg i always spent with him. I only have him here. I sedih sangat2, i rasa lost bila orang yg slalu ada dgn i now buang i mcm tu,,, how easy... i sedih sngt. And he left me at the time i need him the most, i lost many of friends dkt tempat keja due to VSS, i lost my roommate, my housemate, i leave alone during this MCO. Yeah i sangat2 la berperang dgn perasaan n mental i, most of the time i crying. I have nobody to talk to. I need him. T_T

U know too many time i begging him not to leave me, i rasa maruah i mcm dipijak pijak, he insisted to break up jgk. Senang nya dia buang i mcm tu after so many things he had done to me. And dia langsung tak bagi i chance to explain anything. 

Yes, i yang bodoh. I know. Bcos i love him soooooo much. 

But until now i tak boleh nak benci dia. Im still waiting for him.

Ada masa i boleh redha, ada masa i tak boleh... it hurts. Sakit sangat2. But he looks so fine without me. Langsung tak cari i, and delete everything about i plak tu. how easy.... this is what make me always have trust issue on him selama ni. I always rasa he has someone else, but i dont know the truth. I betul2 rasa he take me for granted. But i dont know lah... atau perangai i yg buat dia jadi mcm tu.. he never berterus terang dgn i apa2, i dont know. 

I hope there’s another chance for me... i really really want him, i love him sooo much.. but, i dah penat utk merayu mcm i takda maruah sngt.. i sedih, he easily remove me from his life.

I hope Allah always by my side. Give me the strength. Tenangkan hati i. Jadikan i redha dgn semua ni, bcos it hurts, sakit sangat rasa ni... sakit sangat sangat.