Assalamualaikum,

Usually i datang sini mesti sbb broken ke apa.. and yes, again. Hmm

I don’t know la, this is the third time I failed in love. But, this time antara willing and tak. At first i willing to end this relationship for my goods but i taknak sbb i rasa syg bcos i dah holding on lama with this relationship, i did everything, i spent so much time dah, syg sangat untuk end mcm tu ja. I try and try but he insisted to end jgk. So, i have no choice. I need to accept and redha with it. Even everyday i waking up crying when realized everything is over and im no longer his. Sedih ofkos sedih. But i need to be strong, takkan i nak pergi merayu rayu lagi kan.. day by day i try to accept but until today i willing to know the exact reason he remove me from his life. I know what is my fault but i dont think it was the exact reason.

Along im with him, i never control his life, i ok je dia buat apa pon and i never disturb his privacy. Mmg i jenis u nak buat apa, buat lah asal u know u have me. Previously punya relationship pon i mcm tu, i jenis tak kisah dia nak buat apa, buat lah asal u ingat i ni girlfriend u. But, bila i fikir balik maybe perangai i yg mcm ni, jenis i tak kisah mungkin dorang rasa i mcm tak syg n care about them kot. Tapi aku sebenarnya bagi kebebasan utk dorang supaya tak rasa kena control, actual nya aku care okay. Tapi ntah la.. lelaki ni complicated sebenarnya. I plak jenis mmg tak kisah, tak control apa smua sampaikan i tak pernah check their phone, dgn sapa dia chat, dia keluar, i takmau tau yg tu sbb klau hang nak curang tu semua PILIHAN hang. Dan aku pon tak faham lah lelaki ni nak apa sebenarnya, korang tahu perempuan ni dia cuma nak serious in relationship ja. Uolls kalau tak ready nak serius uolls tak payah la layan perempuan tu beria or tak payah in relationship pon. Sbb perempuan ni jenis berharap.

So, i pon dah malas fikir apa2 kebarangkaliannya, i try to forget everything even it hards. Ya susah sangat2. Hari2 menangis, hari2 pura pura mcm i okay i boleh terima, i boleh stay as a friend even dalam hati sakit sangat2 untuk terima kenyataan tu. i avoid je apa boleh avoid. I try my best. Bcos i believe ada hikmah semua ni. I yakin. Tapi kalau rasa nak menangis i menangis ja but i taknak dah merayu utk get back padahal dalam hati nak sangat, bcos i sayang sangat this relationship. Bcos dalam smua relationship i pernah ada, yg ketiga ni yg paling banyak taught me. Bnyk memories which is i hope this is the first and my last. But in the end it becomes like this. Hmmm. Sedih.

Tapi tak apa la. I kena redha. I kena kuat. I kena yakin there’s something beautiful in future. Kita jangan buat kerja Tuhan, jangan paksa sesuatu dgn takdir Tuhan, bcos it’s Kun Fayakun... anything can happen in the blink of an eyes kan...... jadi tugas kita usaha, doa, tawakkal. Have faith on Him. :)