i'm 23 rite now and working with the environment which all people around me is getting married, engaged and already have kids.. so, this pressure me the most when they keep asking me when to get married and so on. ya, this is real. i can't brain this. i'm a big girl now! haha! so, i always answered to them, "how can i to get married, boyfriend pon takda" but the replies from them as expected la "eh, takkan u takda boyfriend muka comel mcm ni" OMG! what can i do is SMILE. yaa.. but it true meh... i don't have a boyfriend. haha!

ya la, sapa taknak kawen doh, but i think this is not the rite time lagi la to get married. i still have a lot of commitments, my family and my future bcos i'm the eldest, and everything is on me rite now. people would never understand this bcos they are not in my shoes. i know what i am doing. kalau ikut perancangan diri, sebetulnya i want to further master after i finished my degree, but Allah planned is different. bcos of some commitments, i can't further my study and need to work. it's okay. i know this is the best rite now. even, yeaaaa i'm so sad, very sad u know bcos i already meet my supervisor and discuss all about my proposal so on, but yeah belum rezeki maybe, i need to change my plan. it's okay, im doing this bcos of my family, i'll never regret. and maybe niat dulu tu tak betul sangat nak sambung master sbb my boyfriend (now ex boyfriend) already further his master, so i feel like i need to be in the same level with him, but ya Allah dah betulkan niat i and this is what the best i think. i broke up with him, i face my new phase of my life, too many things happened after i broke up, and all these things has grown me. now i believe sometimes things happened just untuk mematang dan mendewasakan kita. now i know. :')

i admit this 2017 is quit challenging and though year for me, being a final year student which really stressed with the final year project, im pretty busy with that until i dont have time for my boyfriend and at the same time he also busy with his master etc. so, we dont have time to each other (i think), the relationship makin hari makin jauh u know that situation when u lack of communication kan? what u expect lagi rite? so, after i finished my final year project, i need to complete my internship for 6 months, and ofkos this time is more challenging, dah mmg life mcm orang bekerja kan.. bangun awal pi kerja and then balik terus tidur sbb penat nak mampos kan, and yeah, the relationship is getting worst, until sometimes i don't have the guts to text him or reply him, he also liddat. we both in same situation i guess. the feeling is fade already. and until one day, i beranikan diri to ask him kita ni macam mana actually. at first i dont expect for separation but i know this is the best rite now, so, i ready for any respond from him and yeahhhh we broke up very smooth, ahaha! cara baik no fight no tears and etc. until the next day,  i just realized, is that true we have broke up? is this real? he's not my boyfriend already? and baru nak sedih. but then, i pujuk myself, bukan ni ke yang aku nak? bukan ni ke yg selalu aku doa? maybe Allah have answered my prayer, bcos everyday yea everyday i pray to Allah "if he is the best for me, give us the best ending, if he's not for me also give us the best ending" and maybe this is the answered. and dah lama i rasa i was very sinful bcos in this kind of relationship, i know Allah pon tak redho relationship mcm ni. kalau nak kawen pon masing2 still have our own commitment, we both still belum bersedia to the next phase of relationship, i know but the niat tu ada, masa ja belum sesuai kan.

so, i slowly belajar redho with our decision even deep down inside i know i still love him but im not sure is he still love me or not bcos he seems so fine with this until now, tapi lelaki kan mana nak tunjuk meroyan perempuan je emo lebih, haha! tapi tak apa la.. i don't care, what i know is, i still love him till today. sometimes bila teringat sangat dekat dia i will cry but i know i can't do anything rite now, i yg pandai2 pegi tanya dia, lepastu skrg nak menyesal plak, and then i sedar balik, this is the best kan dari nak sakit hati being ignored mcm tu. sabar sikit. haha! and ada sometimes tu sampai tak tahan sangat i cry and pray to Allah begging Him to give my love back, i want him back and sometimes i feel He is not even listen to my du'a. But then i realized, this is wrong. this is wrong ogy! wake up! live life how u are now, if u really do love him, u will get him in the here-after. Allah is merciful liddat. eventhough my heart yearns for him, every second i have learnt  to control myself. InshaAllah with all of everyones du'as i will get him one day, maybe not now but someday.

just remember that, it is not that Allah does not listen to your du'as, infact He listens to all of them. the reason why u are not getting your du'as answered is because of many reasons that Allah himself with His infinite wisdom knows and we don't. this does not mean that it will be granted anytime u give a du'a. it also does not mean that the du'a will be ignored. this means that Allah will grant your du'a when it best for u. the reason why your du'a for your love to come back to u is not being answered bcos He is displeased with u for being in a haraam relationship (yes sisturrrr, as sincere as your intention to get married to him is u must repent for that), there is someone out there who is better for u(as much as u don't want to accept that now), or He will grant that du'a in the hereafter, Allah knows best.

this does not mean u should give up hope. it also does not mean that u should expect du'as to be granted everytime u ask for it. u just continue giving du'as and hope that He will give u, give Him your trust. I suggest u make a du'a like "Allah please give me someone who will be best for me who love and respect me, who is comptible with me bcos You have infinite knowledge and only You know what is good and bad for me. You are the Most Wise, the Most Merciful." instead of specifically asking for the man u are in love with (bcos he may end up not being right for u, Allah knows best) and have faith that u will inshaAllah get it.

also respect your love's wishes. if he can not wait for u, do u really think he is the man u would want to be with? do u really want to be with impatient man? if this man truly loved u he would have waited and kept u away from haraam relationship. once again, Allah knows best. so don't give up hope and focus on getting closer to Allah. love for anything can fade over time but love for Allah is one thing that won't ever let u down. :)

Since i free rite now, everyday i akan selongkar my laptop and open one by one photo folder. lol. nampak sangat kan betapa boring and takda kerja nya saya... haha! so i decided to update my blog since dah agak lama jugak tak update ni. huhu!

As stated on the title above, im gonna share my internship experience with u gais. this gonna be a long post i guess. HAHA!

okay, as u know i study in engineering field. so basically engineering mesti la intern dekat kilang kan. haha! yasssssss! kilang gais kilang. i never expect my life will ended up like this. huhu. tak pernah terfikir nak kawan dengan bangla nepal myanmar bagai. but.. yeaaa that's life. not everything happen as we wish. gitewwww~~

so, i had my internship for 6 months which is 1 semester la. i had my internship at BHL metal. where this company buat sparepart for Yamaha motorcycle and of course la it's all about METAL. can u imagine how hard it is for me to handle metal part. semua berat berat gais.... but it's okay since dah berkawan baik dengan bangla nepal ni depa la yang banyak membantu. HAHA! btw, before i story about my experience, i wanna share how i got placed to this company. at first i tak expect gila nak intern sampai ke Penang ni, i just apply all company yg dalam Kedah ja. ya la, nak dekat dgn rumah kan senang. almost 21 company i apply but satu pon tak bagi feedback, so i try la this company which i got from my friend (mira). i apply in 2 days mcm tu they answered me. and the position yg dia offer pon not bad, so tanpa berfikir panjang i pon accept. LOL. dan what sad is....... after i accept this company baru lah company dalam Kedah ni nak reply. lol. saya hanya mampu berhuhu that time. ada tiga company yg memang dekat gila dengan rumah offer but i cant do anything bcos my coordinator said, after u accept a company u gais dah tak boleh tolak demi menjaga nama universiti. LOL. i is redhooooo.

after finish my final exam for semester 7, i terus masuk intern. first day sampai, Ya Allah ni ka tempat aku nak intern? why seram sangat ni. depan gate pon dah ada tokong cina gais. what the,, kilang pon macam hidup tak hidup ja. ya la! first day kan.. mesti la datang awal. datang awal mana ada sapa lagi. hahaha. pastu dah masuk dalam and jumpa manager apa semua, then i got attached under production department. and my supervisor is a young chinese boy. and my supervisor is very slow and pembaris gais. haha! paham tak pembaris? lurus. what the heck i dpt superior mcm ni... i dah la jenis segan bercakap dgn orang, dapat plak superior yg memang tak bercakap, pemalu, lurus mcm ni plak. omaigod apa la naseb... first day memang takda task langsung. just bawak jalan jalan dalam kilang show this show that. and when dah masuk production line baru la rasa WOW! i got a life. =D

day by day, i just duduk dalam office bcos my superior tak bagi task apa yg mencabar sangat pon just key in data for production ja and i got boring. yes. i kan jenis cepat boring with satu satu kerja ni. so i go ask my manager, manager terus kau...haha. i ask him "johnny, i dont hv work to do, can u change me to another department?" palahotak aku kan,,, suka hati nak tukar department. haha! then my manager said "u tak boleh tukar department, but it's ok i akan attach u dengan QA, so pagi u buat kerja production, petang u buat kerja QA". i pon ok saja la.

after that day, barulah terasa my internship life is very meaningful!!! hahaha. terasa function sikit. so, the moral of story gais, internship is not a place kita nak relax relax buang masa dapat elaun free, no no no. internship is a place where we want to gain knowledge and experience. six months gaisss... sangat la boring if u gais asyik buat benda sama, sedang kan 6 bulan tu macam macam ilmu kita boleh dapat, so jangan malas. and jangan berat mulut untuk mintak kerja. i am so lucky because i have attached under two departments, boleh dikatakan everything dalam kilang tu i belajar. from planning, production, marketing QA, QC, start from materials in, processing, machining, welding, polishing semua i merasa. hands-on. it was a very great experience for me. its tiring but somehow the work is very enjoyable.

when attached at production line, i need to handle all the workers and machines. i need to communicate with those foreigner (nepal,myanmar,bangla). it quite though sbb depa tak faham melayu and english, just few person ja yg boleh faham sikit2. but lama lama dah biasa and dah jadi best friend dgn depa. haha! siap ada kelas tuition bahasa nepal lagi dgn depa. LOL. so since i supervised this production line, ada 2 kes operator terpotong jari. gais!! jari potong wehhhh! hampa ingat apa, live depan mata weh jari dia masuk dalam machine, T_T so benda2 ni adalah perkara biasa when u involve in production line. dekat situ aku la supervisor aku jugak la doctor, asal ada terluka sikit pon aku lah orang yg depa cari, berat tanggungjawab weh, so before they start their work i need to make sure all machines are in safe and good condition kalau tak if ada case terpotong jari apa ni i la orang first manager cari and tanya. LOL. and being in this production line it is a big responsibility here, mana nak tengok workers, nak tengok machines, nak tengok material lagi ok ke tak ok, betul ke tak betul material tu, quantity betul tak, measurement betul tak, and i need to make cycle time for each process running. and of course la kena buat daily production report! tengok macam banyak kerja kan? tapi sebenarnya im the most relax-ful person! haha! ada kerja mcm takda kerja sebenarnya. production ni tak susah sangat pon cuma nak pening kepala bila ada case and nak buat report tu je.

then, when attached dekat QA department pulak, it's very challenging tho. QA memang banyak gila kerja. so, bila dah involve dgn QA ni baru la tersa kerja banyak gila. i need to do the outgoing report where utk barang keluar to customer la berapa berapa. pastu kena check all parts. because nanti kalau sampai dekat customer ada reject ke apa kita yg kena kan, QA also quite challenging and risky, anything happen with the product kita yg kena. so, mesti careful and mata kena sharp, yes mata your eyes. takmau ada defect sikit pon dekat barang. tak boleh. ada defect pandai pandai la fikir macam mana nak sorting and rework. dan sorting and rework parts ni la PALING mencabar sepanjang aku intern ni. T_T and here are some photos i need to rework part yg lari specifiction and pipe main yg besar ni sebanyak 1800 pieces seorang diri dekat store yg panas berbahang mashaAllah tu. T_T