It's near the end of 2013. how time flies......

I've been through a lot this year, the hard and pain. I think I make the right decision. I am happy with the decision I have made. I forgive u for all the things u have done unto me. Let's forgive all the people who have done stupid things to us and most importantly, forgive ourselves for allowing them to take advantage and forgives but never forgets. HAHA!

Of course, there will always be the light at the end of the tunnel. Even if your journey seems endless, always remember that Allah will gives you the best things in life. :)

BYE BYE 2013!

Don't try to give me comfort words bcos it only makes the pain deep, may be in my case. Bcos everytime i feel sad or down I will find by myself how to motivate myself. yea,, it sounds selfish but i know myself very well. 

I just need a blank page, and I will write everything on it. That is the way I express my feeling, my sorrow, my frustration and everything that's disturbing me. I just hate telling people about my problems bcos I think people will be boring and can't understand my feeling. and the best way is I will find Allah. through my life experienced only He can give the unexpected gifts. Just dont ignore the five basics solah and du'a. :)

I dont answer to those who question my decisions and certainly don't answer to those who question my faith and intentions for it is You who knows better Ya Allah. I know it is my fault. :( 

11/12/13

the date.

If u are reading this I hope u find the strength to get through whatever it is that's causing u so much internal conflict. I know my fault. I know. I'm sorry. If i can turn back time.............. :(

I know Allah is listen to me. I dont dare to questions why this is happening to me bcos everything is set in stone and He the only One who knows the best. I believe in Him. I believe in the goodness He blesses me with and the hardships He put me through. I believe in Him. :( I believe that if He willing, someday, all these will be worth the pain and hurt. 

There's nothing wrong in making mistakes. What's wrong is letting a mistake stay a mistake, without putting in effort to make  it right. I always saw people selalu ego nak admit salah masing2 even aku sendiri. ya. kita sangat susah nak admit salah sendiri. this is bila EGO menguasai diri. sometimes sebab ego ni la kita lost someone. U know bila ada masalah taknak bagitau masalah and taknak solve the problems and lets the problems kekal a problems and masing2 makin renggang. so, this habit kita perlu ubah. Always tell someone how u feel, bcos opportunities are lost in the blink of an eye, and regret can last for a lifetime. masa tu dah tak guna nak nyeasal bagai. tak salah nak admit salah sendiri bcos for everything we have missed, we can gained something else. sometimes, benda ni kalau kita solve kita akan better than before. just try to solve problems. be matured.

time SPM dulu I add subjek account and decided to change course while i'm in matriculation, bcos time matric i got science stream which is biology, and I mmg layak pon to change the course since I got A for account (SPM) but my mom insist me not to change the course. so, i redha. even i cried inside. haha! because I love numbering and it much more enjoyable, I hate reading subject u know! 

so my life is very difficult one, i always go with the flow and i dont know what i really want actually. SPM (science stream + account), Matriculation (biology), Degree (mechanical eng tech which is Physics). Semuanya tak relate langsung. 

but, at first je rasa mcm tak relate, tapi sebenarnya bila dah belajar, semuanya relate actually. So now I believe Allah plans always the best guys, kita tak tau tapi Allah tu Maha Mengetahui. I tak pernah mintak untuk ada dekat sini, tapi I dapat sini, and now i know I have chemistry with this place and this course. apa apa pon, buat lah and belajar lah kerana Allah. InshaAllah everything gonne be okay. 

I feel so stupid of what i've done in the past. I spent one week cry every day on something that not worth for me. I didn't eat for a week. I tortured myself. I failed chemistry paper (my favorite subject). I didn't study. I keep crying. But thanks God I have my mom. That day she's calling me and asking me about my PLKN status and she hear my voice and she knew something is not okay with me. I cried so hard. And this is my first time I cried and I told everything to my mom. Then, she said "jaga solat, al quran jangan tinggal, and paling penting bangun tahajud, mintak la apa paon time tu, doa yg terbaik." and start from that day, I buat apa yang my mom suruh. And I rasa my life is getting better day by day. I can move on. I lebih semangat nak study and I feel like I mcm dilahirkan semula. I dont know where I got the strength. Alhamdulillah. My pointer on the second semester increase. But sadly I can't cover balik pointer sem 1, so my CGPA is not good but cukup makan. And then I got the offer to further my degree at unimap. I have no choice, I accepted the offer. dengan harapan I can start a new life there. I redha and just follow the flow, I believe Allah plans is the best.